you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
