every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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