im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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