yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My ass is underappreciated
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
