I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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