Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
