I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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