ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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