The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
