I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
