i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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