I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
