You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize