So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize