Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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