It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
