i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
