ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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