in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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