need another drink. this is the easiest way
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
