so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
