The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
