i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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