My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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