trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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