Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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