only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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