all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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