I'm sorry my penis didn't work
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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