I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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