I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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