ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
