I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
