Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
