Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I wish there were birth control emojis
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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