I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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