sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize