Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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