we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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