its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
