My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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