No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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