Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
this is an emotional support booty call
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
