i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize