his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
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I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
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Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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