the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
