Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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