thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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