Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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