I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
