This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize