my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
