Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
