Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
