Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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