I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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