I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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