You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
