I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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