i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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