I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
