i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
